How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
