hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
