Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
