im about as happy as oj after his trial
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
