Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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