I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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