I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
