Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
