Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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