After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
