I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
