It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
