I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
