Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have fence marks all over my body
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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