I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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