i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
