Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
