we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come on in and take your pants off
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