My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
