I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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