so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to calm my uterus...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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