guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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