dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
