I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
