the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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