i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
