I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a hot homeless man
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
