u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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