We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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