why didn't you poke me back
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
false alarm. still invincible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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