I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
