someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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