he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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