allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
