apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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