You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
