My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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