Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
