Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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