speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
