I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
