Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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