Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
