he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
