peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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