hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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