their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
