So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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