did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
