I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
