He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
