It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
