All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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