I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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