I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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