that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
