friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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