Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
