god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
