all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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