Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
