There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
