my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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