i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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